Wednesday, February 24, 2010

i don't know anymore. i want to retract my words.

Days haven't been that good. My class is okay.. the people are really very nice and friendly but it really isn't what I hoped for. I don't know what I hoped for either, but it wasn't this.

I miss 4H. I miss 2G. I miss you guys.

I feel a silent, snaking undercurrent when I speak to some of them sometimes. I'm not that comfortable. Maybe it's cause we're not familiar with each other yet. I hope it gets better :]

My CCA hasn't been good. At all. I cannot sit and be still. It's almost costing me my life (exaggeration) having to just sit there. And be bored. No, it's not boredom.. It can almost, almost be classified under mental torture. I think the P and VP are very nice people, but the rest of the seniors... I mean, they're really nice too, and they always try and help us as much as they can whenever we ask for it, but it's like they do their stuff we do our stuff. I've never felt so completely lost. It's a CCA, we sit together and have fun together for 3 hours a week. It's only 3 hours. Where's the bond?? D: D:

I miss sports. I miss cheering for teammates and getting punished together when we don't devote enough. I miss going home in the middle of the night, bathing in record time, choinging homework and then falling asleep on it. (Times like these, I keep telling myself I'm not cut out to be for this CCA. My mind's gotta shut up sometimes.) I miss the Cheryl who picked a CCA because she wanted to be there, not because she could come up with enough reasons to stay there.

I think my results are going to slip. I'm tripping over math like I've never done math before and chem is just not that great. I don't know what to do for GP. I still haven't borrowed that damned GP book from the library. I feel stressed in Chinese already, because my Mandarin is just not that good while everyone seems pretty comfortable with it. I miss the TDP people, and the people who sit around me in class. I miss studying properly and being happy with it.


So today after CCA, I just wanted to break down and cry.

I did when I got home anyway.

I still don't know if I made the right choice.

I called Cinyi.. she told me things will work out somehow.

Blessing in disguise?

Maybe.

I have to stay positive.

Promised Siyu I wouldn't be a crying wreck tomorrow so I really better keep to my promise hahaha.

I can't cry anymore, I think I'll just become suicidal at this rate :| so passe can!


I miss GESS. I miss you guys.

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