Friday, May 7, 2010

At high energy levels, bla bla bla.

I get very tired too easily these days.. not very good, especially since I can improve that much more.

Anyway, recently TWO events kind of made me found the Cheryl in GESS again :)

Firstly, my GP teacher had told me that my PI was good.

On the surface, it was all, awww, good la, then you get high marks for PW.
But for me, for me that comment was so much more. My english was still there.

When I entered JC, I was so worried because it was one of the better JCs.
And me, I was just another NSK* from another neighbourhood school, one which not many people in the North have heard of. What kind of right, what kind of qualification did I have to show and be proud of the level of English Language and critical thinking skills GESS had inculcated in me? Just another NSK, amid the sea of Elites and scholars from 'Ang-Moh-Speaking' families.

But that day, when my tutor looked at me and said the way I wrote was what she wanted, I saw Ms Chia returning to me my graded Literature O-Level Prelim Paper, smiling and nodding as she told me that my lit essay-writing was finally - finally - back on track.

The second event was when my Bio tutor said my Bio Article Review was one of the better ones in class.

Sure, I didn't top the whole bio-taking cohort (like the awesome Shruthi!! xD) neither did I even get an 'A' for the review, but it was something. It was a reminder, an encouragement.

I remember in Secondary 3, I'd come in second after Lisin Mom for many bio tests, squealing at the A's I had attained and promising myself that I'd work harder do as well as Lisin the next time round.
Somewhere, somehow, as I alighted at Yio Chu Kang MRT Station to go to school everyday instead of getting off at Redhill, I'd lost that part of me who spurred myself on. I'd lost the Cheryl who wanted to take pride in her work and nod in self-approval before going to bed.

So now. Now, I'm going to find her.

I've (hopefully) fought free of that horrible cloud of doom and depression which descended upon me suddenly and ruthlessly in February; it was like breaking the surface of the ocean to take in lungfuls after lungfuls of pure, cold oxygen after struggling so hard against the pressure.

So now I'm going to try and pull myself out of the ocean entirely. I'm going back on land, back to having that spirit which cried Onward! after every strike of disaster, after every taste of sweet victory.

I'm going to try, and even if I fail, life goes on, so I'll move on. With support or own my own, I will move on after failures (which are bound to come) and victories (which might come, provided I work hard enough).

Come on, Cheryl :)

After all, a winner makes commitments. A loser makes promises.


LiSin said...

LIKE YES! That's the way my daughter! SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU! You're going to do this!

Cheryl said...

I remember you told you you weren't the top student when you entered GESS. You're not the top student in NJC now, but remember what I've always tried to learn from you? :D
Pure and raw hard work.
Blood, sweat and tears, you know? :D :D HEHE.


Cheryl said...

you told me*
oh gosh, my typing skills are really not coordinating with my brain anymore ._.