Saturday, March 31, 2012

All it takes is one line.

And everything is flooding back.
I'm sorry I'm so terrible, and heartless.

I have a lot of reflecting to do.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Not growing up yo!

Look at these!! :D :D :D

Not a fan of the songs; I think SHINee unfortunately doesn't really have a super catchy tune as of yet. And Sherlock isn't really my taste... but KEY!!!!! Awesome hair! 'Stranger' was practically his own song :D

Although his stylists must hate him, I have no idea why he is dressed like that. He should steal Jonghyun's stylists! And the white stockings in the MV, oh god O_O

OKAY I still can't get over how good Key looks.

How can you still look good when there's green moss in your hair??


I shall resolve to sleep earlier!! Or more. Whichever. Head's still feeling some throb. Yalalala.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Maybe it might feel like home.

When I first moved here, the surroundings were unfriendly.

I was sure I would never get used to the north, never call this place my home. I grew up in the south; all my friends stayed in the south; all the bicycle rides in solitude, the seemingly mindless gazing at the roads leading from Harbourfront to Bukit Purmei from the windows of Bus 65, all of it belonged to the south. All my shiny medals were labelled "South Zone", as were all of my memories.

There was something about leaving the old and worn (but still enbloc-ed) apartment and moving into a new one, with wide windows stretching from the ceiling to the floor - inviting warm sunlight and ample fresh air - that felt horribly depressing. Bus rides were uncomfortable and unfamiliar, and I wondered why it simply would not be as cozy as journeys home from Bukit Purmei to Harbourfront.

We went to celebrate my dad's birthday today.

It's a day early, and it is rare. Yet throughout much of dinner, my replies were too short. Too obvious, that I wanted it to end as early as possible. It's so ridiculous, how two people can sit next to each other and not utter a single word to the other, despite the continued chatter. Even more ridiculous was the slight tinge of cheerfulness in the atmosphere. Like nothing was wrong at all. Like it was the most normal thing in the world to completely block out the person next to you and keep up with the conversation.

But it was when we bundled into the car and dad drove home that I suddenly felt it again. The warm, familiar feeling of gazing out the windows of dad's car and seeing the trees along the roads of Bukit Purmei to Harbourfront waving lazily back at me.

I was seven again, and we'd only just finished our Sunday dinner at river valley. The late-night grocery shopping at the huge NTUC somewhere nearby was completed, and sis and I had finally gotten that tub of ice cream we had wanted so badly since the week before. Dad's playing some old English music, humming along and breaking into song only at the choruses. Mom's nagging - again - about how our Chinese was simply dreadful and how we really had to read more books before we were reduced to being monolingual girls (and therefore disgracing her motherland). Sis is to my left, sound asleep and floating in dreamland after the big dinner. And me, I was occupying the backseat right in the middle, hooking my arms around both the front passenger seats (because the middle seat had the best view, safety be damned), ignoring mom and humming right along with the song.

Left turn at the fork before Mount Faber, right turn at the junction in front of Keppel Bay; the roads were all familiar and expected, the trees friendly and swaying with the cool night breeze.

I was seeing it all today, as dad drove back home. It's as if the familiarity only comes when I'm seeing the roads through the windows of my dad's car.

In those quiet 5 minutes, the drive home was genuinely comfortable again.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Finally finished + The Hunger Games!

Each application is simple and systematic. But every time I'm required to list my choices by order of preference, or I have to submit an essay, I get stunted. It's not that I don't like writing; but because my grades aren't the best, I get super conscious of my presentation and a 300-word essay takes 2 hours to write hahahhaha oops. And I'm ultra fickle-minded so the listing choices thing just scares me.

BUT I AM FINALLY DONE AHHHHHHHHHHH (yes, including the NAA/DA sections muahahaha). Mrs Goh is so awesome; without batting an eyelid, she agrees to help me write my appraisal just because I need it T_T

MRS GOH 万岁!!!!
I have the best form tutor ever.


OMFGGGGGG I WANT TO WATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must go buy the books now!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Admission Applications

After finishing this application, I will doodle a new header for my blog and Facebook timeline.
Feeling a little bit intimidated. Have to write another essay soon, and I sometimes get scared of writing (even though I like writing. I must be strange).

But yes!! Doodling it is!

Update: On second thought, I will sleep now. Finished application, left with non-academic qualifications to fill up for DA. Please please please please please please please please

Something Interesting

Circadian Rhythms.

"... in theory at least, you can improve your ability to do something simply by selecting the right time of day to do it."


Eye infection eye infection eye infection wtfwtfwtfwtfwtf I'M SCARED.

Ok that's it. No more contact lenses till the weird jelly-like substance on my cornea disappears. I need to sleep more. Omg how do I go running without my contact lenses?? ARGH.


I really want a tablet for drawing!! I miss doodling so so so much. But I lose all my doodles when I draw on paper....


Okay lots of things to do tomorrow!

1. Run
2. Buy A4 envelope
3. Mail SMU supporting documents at post office
4. NTU application + non-academic qualifications!
5. Pray to uni-admissions God to let me do Sociology
6. Buy eye lotion/solution thingy
7. Pray to uni-admissions God
8. Change contact lenses
9. Sleep early

YESSSSS it's not 1am yet!!! For once I can hit the bed before 1am. *accomplishment*
Small steps, people. Don't judge!


Friday, March 2, 2012

Things I Don't Believe In

Even though it always seems as though my entire life is built around paper qualifications (starting from those nasty abacus classes at age seven), I have never felt they could be representative of what one person is truly capable of.

Because, let's face it, how can the sparse range of 4/5 subjects in primary school and 7/8 subjects in secondary school determine how your whole life is going to come together?
You could be anything you want, and it's your character that counts, not a string of alphabets on a single piece of stark-white paper.

Rather noble to think this way, isn't it?

Amidst the buzz of mothers nagging their kids on end and students destroying their self-esteems with each returned test paper, I'd always thought it was silly to be THAT worried about your paper qualifications. C'mon, you can always change your future.

But now, when the clock tells me it's already 12.30am, 2 March 2012, I can't help but retract my words. All the disregard I held for academic evidence, for tangible proof of hard work; maybe I only had them because I knew my own paper qualifications were quite safe. Not the best of the lot, but perhaps safe, to a certain extent..

Of course, I was always nervous when some big results were being released. Always. Friends sitting together in a circle, whispering prayers or holding back anxious tears.. I'd sit with them, pray with them, cry with them.

...but now it feels different :(

Maybe because I know my paper qualifications aren't safe anymore. When you know you're going to lose it, you panic >_<
My noble thoughts start to look naive.
My academic result slips have never been pretty the minute I started life in JC, and proof of academic excellence suddenly became very, very real. It isn't a matter of changing my future with my character.. But whether my results will look good enough on paper to give me that opportunity to alter it.

Suddenly, all the things I don't believe in are starting to look the things that may dictate my life.

I don't make sense to myself now.
Need to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!