Friday, March 2, 2012

Things I Don't Believe In

Even though it always seems as though my entire life is built around paper qualifications (starting from those nasty abacus classes at age seven), I have never felt they could be representative of what one person is truly capable of.

Because, let's face it, how can the sparse range of 4/5 subjects in primary school and 7/8 subjects in secondary school determine how your whole life is going to come together?
You could be anything you want, and it's your character that counts, not a string of alphabets on a single piece of stark-white paper.

Rather noble to think this way, isn't it?

Amidst the buzz of mothers nagging their kids on end and students destroying their self-esteems with each returned test paper, I'd always thought it was silly to be THAT worried about your paper qualifications. C'mon, you can always change your future.

But now, when the clock tells me it's already 12.30am, 2 March 2012, I can't help but retract my words. All the disregard I held for academic evidence, for tangible proof of hard work; maybe I only had them because I knew my own paper qualifications were quite safe. Not the best of the lot, but perhaps safe, to a certain extent..

Of course, I was always nervous when some big results were being released. Always. Friends sitting together in a circle, whispering prayers or holding back anxious tears.. I'd sit with them, pray with them, cry with them.

...but now it feels different :(

Maybe because I know my paper qualifications aren't safe anymore. When you know you're going to lose it, you panic >_<
My noble thoughts start to look naive.
My academic result slips have never been pretty the minute I started life in JC, and proof of academic excellence suddenly became very, very real. It isn't a matter of changing my future with my character.. But whether my results will look good enough on paper to give me that opportunity to alter it.

Suddenly, all the things I don't believe in are starting to look the things that may dictate my life.

I don't make sense to myself now.
Need to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No comments: